You live that life

"I wanna live until I die. Don’t let the devil bury me alive." - Ben Rector.
I have come to realize that there is more to life and living than just being awake. There is much more than just hoping to have a great story to tell at the end. There is work to be done and it never stops. However daunting that last sentence may sound, it is nothing to be discouraged by. The work planned for our futures can be good and prosperous if we allow it to be. I should know, the last six months have been a process of learning just that.

I started the beginning of my year at the end of  chapter in which I needed to so desperately to close: acceptance for the normal. Looking retrospectively I wouldn’t call it acceptance for the norm but more like a fear for the possible. Although I claimed to be a hard worker and convinced those around me that I was, I never fully tried my hand at anything. Fear had me believing that failure was always eminent so I just thought what was the point in trying? 

I’ve said it in previous posts before, fear will have you feeling all these emotions God never intended for you to have. 

These last few months, God has been breaking down my former ways to build up something of value and substance. He has been creating a new thing in me and to speak frankly, it is one of the most confusingly difficult, heart-wrenching, mind-draining, and strangest journeys I have ever embarked on. When He wants something done, there is no going back and forth or no such thing as test-driving (James 1: 2-8) - it’s all in or all out. In everything I involved myself with, I found Him speaking to me and pushing me to do more than I expected of myself. There were -and still are- days where it became such a hassle to 2nd-guess all of my actions. Things like: Is this the best way to use your time? ; Are you sure that there is no better way to complete this task?; Why don’t you do this later so you can put something else first?; Why are you going that route instead of this one?; Have you tried asking for help? At times it feels like God had cast such a large burden on my shoulders that I began making excuses to stop all the lessons He had been trying to instill in me. But then He found ways to show me through life encounters and experiences that He was doing those things out of love for me.

To best try and explain, I guess I would have to say it’s the “little” things. A few weeks ago I was in class waiting to talk to my Studio Lighting teacher about one of the bulbs not working. I later found her talking to another student. Their conversation did take quite a while but instead of reverting to my old ways by giving up and attempting to figure out the problem myself, I waited. Maybe many of you don’t know the feeling but if you tend to be an impatient person, 5-10 minutes can feel like a full-on hour. Fortunately, by sticking around the teacher noticed me and also included me in the last bit of the conversation she was having. If it had not been for  God laying  it upon my heart to wait I never would have learned the tips I did that got me higher marks on my next assessment.

So you see, it is not as though this whole process has been forced upon me, it’s more like He’s showing me that there is nothing to be anxious for and through that I have gained enough courage to do more.(Micah 6:8). Then, after that more is done, move onto the next and make it a habit of constantly improving your life. Yes, you too will probably also feel like staying at your current comfortable level, (why fix something if it’s not broken?) but that’s not the point of life. We must make the most out of it and continually do the things He asks of us. They are not to tire you out or annoy you but to improve you and give you a life full of actual… well, life.

Single and not yet ready to mingle

Everyone has them. They are called relationship issues. They appear when you least expect them and turns out you don’t even need a boyfriend to have them either. So, whether or not I may regret what I am about to say I will say it anyway: I have never had a boyfriend. I’m 21 years old and I have never had a boyfriend (I feel like a huge weight should be lifted off my chest right now but the whole confessing of secrets to the online public kinda ruins that for me). There are times when I cannot seem to get the thought of having one out of my head and then there are times when I couldn’t care less - luckily it’s more of the latter. However, the question still remains, why haven’t I ever had a boyfriend?

Fortunately enough for me, I was able to gain a little clarity on the matter when I came across Generation Unleashed’s Pastor Poncho and his series on How Are Things Making Out: Dating, Relating, and Waiting.

Weird title, I know right. But it was strange enough to stir my interest.

Here’s what I got from it:

You don’t always have to jump into dating first to find that special person - you can just be friends. This is what Pastor Poncho referred to as the relating part. Hang out with them in a friendly group setting, get to know their common and uncommon interests, just be comfortable around each other. No need to rush or to worry about doing anything because’ y’all are just friends. Then, if after the relating stage you both happen to have a deeper interest in one another, by all means, start datin’. Now dating is not just to hang out more and be friends with benefits. No, you date to see if the feelings involved could possibly grow into a deeper connection that could draw you into marriage. You’re seeing if you could really spend the rest of your life with this other person. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. If it doesn’t, that’s okay. Do not feel pressured to marry the first person you date. Take the time to go to God and re-evaluate what it is you learned, changed, and now want. Don’t go searching for another to see if you can make it right. Just chill your roll for a moment.

   However, when you do find the right one, CONGRATS. This is not the time for you to get physical though. This is the time where you can in fact slow things down for a bit. Find out more about each other, talk about the relationship you both want, and what y’all don’t want. Don’t forget to set boundaries. Now that everything is new and fresh it’s the perfect time to do just that. Poncho talked about setting boundaries so nothing would be rushed and temptation wouldn’t rear any bit of its ugly head. While there is no sin about kissing, hugging, or holding hands it’s still a good thing to set boundaries. Just because y’all are now en route to the chapel does not mean you should go all the way to the line without actually crossing it.

   This is where he discussed 1 Corinthians 10:23. “‘I have the right to do anything,’ you say—but not everything is beneficial. ‘I have the right to do anything’”—but not everything is constructive.” Pastor Poncho put it this way: If you are dating and/or engaged why would you do all the things you possibly could before crossing that line of sin? It would make the rest of your time before marriage miserable. You both would be then so focused on what other new things could be done without sinning. What would give you that excitement without repeating the same things.

God isn’t saying all this to bore you; He’s doing all that to get you focused on more than the physical and to get you excited! When you’re not thinking about physical things you can look towards getting to know them a lot more, get into new activities/hobbies with them. Also, when you set clear boundaries you can have something to actually look forward to. Now it’s not like, oh on this day let’s hold hands for the first time then the month after we can kiss - well it can be  like that if you prefer. Whatever it is, just don’t rush into everything all at once.

There was so much more Pastor Poncho said and a lot more I gleaned from that but God laid it on my heart to just share with you guys a little bit of my story and a few bits of what I picked up. So you see, even while I’m in the “single department”, God is still readying my mind and heart for the future.

I have a few friends but don't feel bad for me.

It’s a process. My last two months in this semi-new place have been a process. During my time here I have been asked quite a number of times in many different ways, “How is Australia treating you?” Well, to put it simply, it’s a process. I remember on the plane ride over here I had so many thoughts, expectations, and plans for my “new” life that I forgot to leave room for reality. So 60 some-odd days later I am now being hit with the stark realization that I don’t have as many  friends as I thought I would; I’m not living in the city nor do I even have a place of my own; my photography business is not thriving the way it was before; and school is a bit much to handle even along side my part-time job. As cool as it would be to say that I moved back to Sydney and landed a nice job that allows me to live a rich life in the city, I cannot. However,  I don’t want anyone to feel bad for me. There is nothing to feel bad for. Yes, I don’t have many friends but the few that I do are worth more than their weight in gold . My photography business is not doing so well but maybe this is the time God set aside for me to focus less on money and more on morals. School and work may be overwhelming but when is ever not? I need to suck it up and remember that this is what I wanted. This is what I prayed countless days for. You see, to anyone - myself included - who tries to rush a process you will find yourself nowhere but at the end of your line with nothing to show for it. You will have sped so far ahead that you forgot to pick up the precious gems along the way. Things take time.