You live that life

"I wanna live until I die. Don’t let the devil bury me alive." - Ben Rector.
I have come to realize that there is more to life and living than just being awake. There is much more than just hoping to have a great story to tell at the end. There is work to be done and it never stops. However daunting that last sentence may sound, it is nothing to be discouraged by. The work planned for our futures can be good and prosperous if we allow it to be. I should know, the last six months have been a process of learning just that.

I started the beginning of my year at the end of  chapter in which I needed to so desperately to close: acceptance for the normal. Looking retrospectively I wouldn’t call it acceptance for the norm but more like a fear for the possible. Although I claimed to be a hard worker and convinced those around me that I was, I never fully tried my hand at anything. Fear had me believing that failure was always eminent so I just thought what was the point in trying? 

I’ve said it in previous posts before, fear will have you feeling all these emotions God never intended for you to have. 

These last few months, God has been breaking down my former ways to build up something of value and substance. He has been creating a new thing in me and to speak frankly, it is one of the most confusingly difficult, heart-wrenching, mind-draining, and strangest journeys I have ever embarked on. When He wants something done, there is no going back and forth or no such thing as test-driving (James 1: 2-8) - it’s all in or all out. In everything I involved myself with, I found Him speaking to me and pushing me to do more than I expected of myself. There were -and still are- days where it became such a hassle to 2nd-guess all of my actions. Things like: Is this the best way to use your time? ; Are you sure that there is no better way to complete this task?; Why don’t you do this later so you can put something else first?; Why are you going that route instead of this one?; Have you tried asking for help? At times it feels like God had cast such a large burden on my shoulders that I began making excuses to stop all the lessons He had been trying to instill in me. But then He found ways to show me through life encounters and experiences that He was doing those things out of love for me.

To best try and explain, I guess I would have to say it’s the “little” things. A few weeks ago I was in class waiting to talk to my Studio Lighting teacher about one of the bulbs not working. I later found her talking to another student. Their conversation did take quite a while but instead of reverting to my old ways by giving up and attempting to figure out the problem myself, I waited. Maybe many of you don’t know the feeling but if you tend to be an impatient person, 5-10 minutes can feel like a full-on hour. Fortunately, by sticking around the teacher noticed me and also included me in the last bit of the conversation she was having. If it had not been for  God laying  it upon my heart to wait I never would have learned the tips I did that got me higher marks on my next assessment.

So you see, it is not as though this whole process has been forced upon me, it’s more like He’s showing me that there is nothing to be anxious for and through that I have gained enough courage to do more.(Micah 6:8). Then, after that more is done, move onto the next and make it a habit of constantly improving your life. Yes, you too will probably also feel like staying at your current comfortable level, (why fix something if it’s not broken?) but that’s not the point of life. We must make the most out of it and continually do the things He asks of us. They are not to tire you out or annoy you but to improve you and give you a life full of actual… well, life.