Single and not yet ready to mingle

Everyone has them. They are called relationship issues. They appear when you least expect them and turns out you don’t even need a boyfriend to have them either. So, whether or not I may regret what I am about to say I will say it anyway: I have never had a boyfriend. I’m 21 years old and I have never had a boyfriend (I feel like a huge weight should be lifted off my chest right now but the whole confessing of secrets to the online public kinda ruins that for me). There are times when I cannot seem to get the thought of having one out of my head and then there are times when I couldn’t care less - luckily it’s more of the latter. However, the question still remains, why haven’t I ever had a boyfriend?

Fortunately enough for me, I was able to gain a little clarity on the matter when I came across Generation Unleashed’s Pastor Poncho and his series on How Are Things Making Out: Dating, Relating, and Waiting.

Weird title, I know right. But it was strange enough to stir my interest.

Here’s what I got from it:

You don’t always have to jump into dating first to find that special person - you can just be friends. This is what Pastor Poncho referred to as the relating part. Hang out with them in a friendly group setting, get to know their common and uncommon interests, just be comfortable around each other. No need to rush or to worry about doing anything because’ y’all are just friends. Then, if after the relating stage you both happen to have a deeper interest in one another, by all means, start datin’. Now dating is not just to hang out more and be friends with benefits. No, you date to see if the feelings involved could possibly grow into a deeper connection that could draw you into marriage. You’re seeing if you could really spend the rest of your life with this other person. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. If it doesn’t, that’s okay. Do not feel pressured to marry the first person you date. Take the time to go to God and re-evaluate what it is you learned, changed, and now want. Don’t go searching for another to see if you can make it right. Just chill your roll for a moment.

   However, when you do find the right one, CONGRATS. This is not the time for you to get physical though. This is the time where you can in fact slow things down for a bit. Find out more about each other, talk about the relationship you both want, and what y’all don’t want. Don’t forget to set boundaries. Now that everything is new and fresh it’s the perfect time to do just that. Poncho talked about setting boundaries so nothing would be rushed and temptation wouldn’t rear any bit of its ugly head. While there is no sin about kissing, hugging, or holding hands it’s still a good thing to set boundaries. Just because y’all are now en route to the chapel does not mean you should go all the way to the line without actually crossing it.

   This is where he discussed 1 Corinthians 10:23. “‘I have the right to do anything,’ you say—but not everything is beneficial. ‘I have the right to do anything’”—but not everything is constructive.” Pastor Poncho put it this way: If you are dating and/or engaged why would you do all the things you possibly could before crossing that line of sin? It would make the rest of your time before marriage miserable. You both would be then so focused on what other new things could be done without sinning. What would give you that excitement without repeating the same things.

God isn’t saying all this to bore you; He’s doing all that to get you focused on more than the physical and to get you excited! When you’re not thinking about physical things you can look towards getting to know them a lot more, get into new activities/hobbies with them. Also, when you set clear boundaries you can have something to actually look forward to. Now it’s not like, oh on this day let’s hold hands for the first time then the month after we can kiss - well it can be  like that if you prefer. Whatever it is, just don’t rush into everything all at once.

There was so much more Pastor Poncho said and a lot more I gleaned from that but God laid it on my heart to just share with you guys a little bit of my story and a few bits of what I picked up. So you see, even while I’m in the “single department”, God is still readying my mind and heart for the future.