Take Heart.

It takes a strong person to have a true heart of forgiveness and patience, even more so if you’re a mother. It might sound strange given the fact that we assume this is how they are meant to be because they are our mothers. Yes, God instilled it in them but it’s solely their choice to exhibit such traits.
I think the assumption we place on mothers along with other “burdens” makes it hard on them but at the same time it makes me more grateful for who they are and the choices they take on.

One person that has really shown me the true strength of a human being and a mother is my aunt (This is not to say my own mothers have not been strong but I just want to step away from the obvious and give credit where credit is due).
Being around her and growing under her guidance these last 7 months has been something else to say the least. She’s kind, patient, forgiving, understanding, basically everything that 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 says we ought to be. I initially made the mistake of seeing such a great display of affection as weakness - partly due to the fact that I had built up so many walls in my life. However as God would have it, my opinion was proved wrong.
Having these traits was no weakness at all but strength. It takes little to no strength to turn from someone who has done you wrong but it takes such a power to go back and continue to love and forgive- and I mean TRULY forgive.
I’m not talking about I’m gonna let it go but next time I won’t trust you type of forgiveness, no. Her type is the one that catches you red-handed in the midst of your fault and only opens her mouth to lovingly advise you not to do it. The type that although you let her down she still expects nothing but the best out of you next time. When you finish the food that she planned on eating and she still asks you if there is anything else you want without sarcasm.

If you still think that’s a weakness, try doing the same next time something similar happens to you - see how “easy” it is to do just that.

Anyway, I’m not here to judge or compare anyone to anyone but do think about it. This is the type of love God is calling us to exude. He’s calling us to be better than the circumstances presented to us and not to continue the cycle just because we feel like that “pay back” will make us feel better or teach someone a lesson - that job is not up to us. No matter what happens to us, big or small, our duty is to forgive and love as Christ still loved those who persecuted Him.

It’s hard but it’s a choice we must make every single day. However, let me warn you now, somedays will be harder than others. Somedays your heart can be open to even the most unknown stranger but there will indeed be times when your friend, child, spouse, daughter, nephew, boss, professor, employee, what have you does something to jump on your last nerve but you know what? You are called to love. And if during those days you feel like that is the last thing you want to do just run to Him and lean on Him for a strength and understanding that goes beyond what we thought possible.

You live that life

"I wanna live until I die. Don’t let the devil bury me alive." - Ben Rector.
I have come to realize that there is more to life and living than just being awake. There is much more than just hoping to have a great story to tell at the end. There is work to be done and it never stops. However daunting that last sentence may sound, it is nothing to be discouraged by. The work planned for our futures can be good and prosperous if we allow it to be. I should know, the last six months have been a process of learning just that.

I started the beginning of my year at the end of  chapter in which I needed to so desperately to close: acceptance for the normal. Looking retrospectively I wouldn’t call it acceptance for the norm but more like a fear for the possible. Although I claimed to be a hard worker and convinced those around me that I was, I never fully tried my hand at anything. Fear had me believing that failure was always eminent so I just thought what was the point in trying? 

I’ve said it in previous posts before, fear will have you feeling all these emotions God never intended for you to have. 

These last few months, God has been breaking down my former ways to build up something of value and substance. He has been creating a new thing in me and to speak frankly, it is one of the most confusingly difficult, heart-wrenching, mind-draining, and strangest journeys I have ever embarked on. When He wants something done, there is no going back and forth or no such thing as test-driving (James 1: 2-8) - it’s all in or all out. In everything I involved myself with, I found Him speaking to me and pushing me to do more than I expected of myself. There were -and still are- days where it became such a hassle to 2nd-guess all of my actions. Things like: Is this the best way to use your time? ; Are you sure that there is no better way to complete this task?; Why don’t you do this later so you can put something else first?; Why are you going that route instead of this one?; Have you tried asking for help? At times it feels like God had cast such a large burden on my shoulders that I began making excuses to stop all the lessons He had been trying to instill in me. But then He found ways to show me through life encounters and experiences that He was doing those things out of love for me.

To best try and explain, I guess I would have to say it’s the “little” things. A few weeks ago I was in class waiting to talk to my Studio Lighting teacher about one of the bulbs not working. I later found her talking to another student. Their conversation did take quite a while but instead of reverting to my old ways by giving up and attempting to figure out the problem myself, I waited. Maybe many of you don’t know the feeling but if you tend to be an impatient person, 5-10 minutes can feel like a full-on hour. Fortunately, by sticking around the teacher noticed me and also included me in the last bit of the conversation she was having. If it had not been for  God laying  it upon my heart to wait I never would have learned the tips I did that got me higher marks on my next assessment.

So you see, it is not as though this whole process has been forced upon me, it’s more like He’s showing me that there is nothing to be anxious for and through that I have gained enough courage to do more.(Micah 6:8). Then, after that more is done, move onto the next and make it a habit of constantly improving your life. Yes, you too will probably also feel like staying at your current comfortable level, (why fix something if it’s not broken?) but that’s not the point of life. We must make the most out of it and continually do the things He asks of us. They are not to tire you out or annoy you but to improve you and give you a life full of actual… well, life.